Shivanya ~

" Shivanya, we have been best friends since forever now and I need to talk to you about this, acknowledge it." Taran, my best friend for god knows how long now had forced me to get out of the office for lunch and meet him because he had something important to say.

He was most definitely going to ask me out or even propose a marriage perhaps, considering our ages and without taking a second, I would say yes. I have been in love with him for almost eight years now but what I did not have was guts. The guts to let him know that he owns my heart but it does not matter now because he had been feeling nervous and awkward around me these past two years so perhaps! I wish I had worn better clothes instead of this format crap!

" What is it Taran? Tell me." I said, taking a sip of the cold coffee to hide my smile from him and he kept a hand on the back of his neck for a second, something he does when he is nervous and who was I kidding, I was nervous as hell too along with just feeling something I never thought I would in this lifetime.

All this while I thought he just sees me as a friend and today, finally, he was going to acknowledge that he reciprocates my feelings!

" I never wanted to hide this from you in the first place Shivanya but I also did not know ho to come clean about it without changing the dynamics of our relationship. I was too terrified to lose our friendship and perhaps that's why couldn't say anything." He started and looked extremely close to feeling guilty.

It also could be me, overthinking because that is who I am, a compulsive over thinker.

" Since when have you started hesitating in telling me anything Taran? There is not one topic we have not discussed. Just spill it, already." I gave him an assuring nod, encouraging him to go on.

" Radhika and I have been seeing each other for a while now and we would like to get married." He said and I, after understanding what his words meant, couldn't help but feel angry at him.

" Taran you know I hate when anyone talks about Radhika like this. This is not a joke." If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was anything negative related to my baby sister.

" I know it is a lot to take in Shivanya but yes, we do love each other and I care about her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and she wishes for the same." This time, he said those words with such contention and I felt something inside me, shattering.

" Y...you both?" I couldn't find it in me to finish my sentence while I tried to gulp the bile rising in my throat down. I felt like throwing up and not being able to breath at the same time.

" Yes Shivanya and we love you so much that we did not know how to tell you this earlier." He continued to speak and I continued to grow sicker by the second.

" I am sorry. I need a minute." I threw myself out of the chair I was seated in and my feet automatically found its way to the restroom. Luckily, there was no one inside of the time as I splashed water on my face, trying to get the heat rise within me.

" Calm down Shivanya, calm down." I tried to talk myself out of the panic attack I was on the verge to get and it was getting incredibly painful to inhale. I couldn't do anything but sit down on the floor because my knees had given up on me.

" My sister and my best friend." I found myself speaking.

" My sister and the man I am in love with." I rephrased.

" Shivanya....Shivanya are you okay? Please come out. I am starting to get worried." I heard Taran's voice. He was standing outside and for the first time in my life, I felt something I could never even think of feeling towards him.

Loathness.

I suppressed my sobs and pulled myself up the floor, taking a few deep breaths. I then grabbed some napkins and wiped my now smudged kohl-rimmed eyes clean before deciding to walk out of the restroom.

Taran was still standing here.

" I need to get back to work but I will go home and talk to Radhika. I really should get going right now." I told him and thankfully, he didn't push me to stay and talk which I was extremely thankful for. I did not want to say anything to him which I would regret later on.

" I understand." Were his words. I picked my bag up and started walking towards office which was only a few blocks down and this time, I let my tears flow.

I loved him.

I love him.

How will I ever get over this?

As I was just about some hundred meters away from office, I stood still, wiped my tears again before walking inside and making a dash to the break room for some water which I gulped down my throat glass after glass.

" Woah Shivika, let's calm down there." Niyati, one of my office friends and a senior said as she walked in.

" I am so thirsty. Chinese can do that to you." I lied smoothly before finishing the glass off and she agreed, nodding.

" I agree." She chuckled and grabbed a protein bar for herself from one of the shelves.

" By the way, we are getting some update that the boss is extremely impressed by you in regards to the last four cases you took up and won. Seems like someone is getting due for a promotion soon baby." She teased me and I forced myself to smile at Niyati's words.

Promotion was the last thing on my mind right now.

I was about to excuse myself to go back to work when my phone went off, giving me that excuse.

She nodded in understanding as I left for my cubicle. It was Radhika calling me but I didn't think I had it in me to talk to her without sounding betrayed so I decided to not pick up.

She betrayed me. She betrayed me not because she fell in love with my best friend, she did it by not telling me that. She failed to confide in me about something as important and close to me as this when all I did was for her to feel comfortable at every stage.

Taran hurt me and everything I had inside me. My Radhika killed a part of me. She did it.

" How did you even think that Taran would fall in love with someone like you Shivanya? You are not the kind they fall in love with. You are the kind they are intimidated to. Taran is....was your best friend and he never thought of anything more than that." I told the words to myself which I needed to hear so that I could prepare myself for everything that would come my way henceforth.

If my sister was one thing, she was persistent and she continued to call me and I had to pick up.

" Hey Radhika. Are you okay my doll? I am a little busy right now. Call we talk once I am home?" I asked her as she said her hello.

How could I be mad at her for anything? She lost our parents at such an early age and then all we had were each other. You could ask for my life and I would give her that but I never thought that Taran's heart belonged to her. Something I had assumed belonged to me.

" Di. I know Taran talked to you....." She started to speak but it was too soon for me because I realised that a lone tear had escaped my eye once again and I couldn't continue the conversation.

" Radhika, I promise that we will talk once I am back home. I need to leave for court right now. It is really urgent, my doll." I smiled, wiping my cheeks off and inhaled.

" Okay Di. See ya." She said and we said our bye before hanging up and just then, the intercom on my desk went off.

" Shivanya, Disha here. Mr. Raichand wants you to assist him in a case, considering your recent portfolios. He feels you'd be the best pick among the brains in the firm. You are to sit in a conference tomorrow at sharp 10 AM with him on the 18th floor." She said and I started making notes of what she had just said.

" Thank you Disha. I am grateful, Mr. Raichand thinks I can be of any help to him." I showed my gratitude which was mostly fake at this point of time but it did not mean that i respected the man professionally in any sense, it was just that I was too shattered to realise anything in the moment.

Mr. Vihaan Raichand was currently, the best lawyer of the country. In his twelve years of career, he had risen like a fire forest rises, quick and attention seeking without even trying to. I had only met him once at the time of my interview and even then, there was not one word he had spoken to me. In fact, I initially thought that he loathed me for some reason because he kept staring at me during the whole panel interview with a face, as straight as an arrow.

The minute's escape into my boss's thoughts were broken once my phone pinged again, this time, it was a message from Taran asking me if I had reached the office.

I replied in a yes and just like that, the hollow burning feeling inside my chest was back, intensifying as I scrolled our chats, reading them.

There were so many times he had asked about Radhika and how she was doing, perhaps dropping some kind of hints in the past many months. I was too blind to notice or connect the dots and I dumbly continued to believe that he was just being a protective elder.

" How much of a fool have I been?" I whispered to myself, dropping the phone on the desk and making my way to the restroom, locking myself in there for a while.

Radhika and Taran, the only two people who mattered to me were the ones who ended up burning me to the core of my heart. Radhika had turned twenty two last month and since I was in Delhi for work, I had asked Taran to take her out for a nice lunch because like me, she didn't have many friends. They could have told me then, they could have told me at anytime but thy chose not to.

How good was I at hiding my emotions that Taran could not get a hint that I loved him even in the slightest of bits? Or perhaps he could never imagine being with someone like me.

" Stop it Shivanya, stop being so selfish. Those two love each other. They will be happy together." My conscience called out to me as I tried to gather myself again.

" And what about me? Don't I deserve some happiness too? A happiness which I thought I'd find with Taran?" I couldn't help but talk back to my own thoughts, trying not to sob.

" Taran was never yours, never truly. He is Radhika's. You have no right Shivanya. Absolutely none. They deserve their chance to be happy." My alternate side said, suddenly making a lot of sense.

" They do, they do that. Deserve a chance and no matter how much it hurts, it is on me to give it to them. My sister can ever get someone as good a man as Taran. He has a heart of gold, matching hers and if they want to be together, they shall be together. I will give that to them, no strings attached.

For the umpteenth time today, I tried to stop myself from crying and pretending that everything will work out for the best and if it does not, I will make it work. Radhika and Taran will marry if that is how they can be happy, I will make sure of it, even if pain that is the last emotion I ever feel.

So guys, this is the first chapter. Did you all like it? Please drop your comments and help me improve. Thank you for reading this.

THIS IS NOT EDITED.